IC Inbox for soulgemmed

[relaxfriend]

"Leave a message. Don't be boring. Don't be stupid."

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[ironicoolly]

[Sup, Gary? Guess who just sent you a picture of the storefront of a chocolate shop? There's no ensuing explanation, no reasoning for why this is suddenly a thing in your inbox.

Maybe it was an accident?]

[relaxfriend]

[Those bat wings though.... He shudders.]

What are you asking me on a date or something what the fuck?

1/SHRUGS

[ironicoolly]

what

[ironicoolly]

no

[ironicoolly]

look

[ironicoolly]

no

[ironicoolly]

for the record a fucking chocolate shop isnt my idea of great first date material so if that was what this was id send you a picture of something else

[ironicoolly]

[UMMM]

anyway
have you been

[relaxfriend]

No.

[Those batwing handles kind of are a dead giveaway at who owns the place.]

[ironicoolly]

ok

what are your thoughts on that kind of thing though
chocolate i mean
dark chocolate vs white chocolate go

[relaxfriend]

Chocolate is chocolate.

[ironicoolly]

[well that tells him approximately fuckall. goddammit, how does he approach this now.]

but
does that mean
like
is that like an "all types are great and i aint gonna discriminate" type of chocolate is chocolate or is it more of an "i have no quantifiable number of fucks to give on this topic" type answer

[relaxfriend]

Zero fucks to give.

Most of the time it's too sweet anyway.

[ironicoolly]

ok white chocolates definitely off the table then got it

[a long pause.

where the fuck does he go from here?? he swears to god he was going somewhere with this, but with an answer like that, he's pretty sure his original planned destination isn't an actual achievable place anymore. good lord, what has he done.]

what about the bitter stuff
are you any better with that

1/2

[relaxfriend]

[This is almost giving him secondhand embarrassment. Which requires some kind of empathy, ugh.

Luckily that only lasts for a brief moment before he's back to enjoying Dave's awkward suffering.]

Jesus fuck Dave do you have to be so painfully weird about everything? You've the subtlety of a disco ball.

[relaxfriend]

I like bitter chocolate.

[ironicoolly]

what
no i dont you dont even know what im doing

[...does he?]

[relaxfriend]

Well currently you're getting on my nerves. So yeah, I do!

1/2

[ironicoolly]

[welp you've got him there.]

haha the feeling is mutual asshole

[ironicoolly]

[--wait. ugh, goddammit dave, this is not what you contacted him to do.]

so anyway just for confirmations sake if you got some of the bitter stuff you WOULDNT try to light it on fire??

[relaxfriend]

[Wow what was that strange feeling just then? Was it...was it pride?

Nah.]

That would be a waste of perfectly good bitter chocolate.

1/2

[ironicoolly]

alright cool
spoilers then youve got truckloads of that shit coming up on the horizon

[ironicoolly]

[...aaaaand a pang of sudden insecurity is hitting him all of a sudden, and he can't resist adding:]

and before you go off on some other tangent about how obvious i am or whatever let me just say this isnt like
step one of some weird courtship ritual ok

[wow he is immediately regretting these words he is sending out, but they're already out there so now he can only keep going down this road]

like just for the record in case you were thinking of cracking that joke
just
dont

[relaxfriend]

It's okay Dave.
You've found the key to unlocking my cold black heart. You don't have to be so defensive now~

[ironicoolly]

wow fuck you